Numbness?

I can’t describe how I feel. I sincerely can’t. I don’t feel anything. I feel like a zombie wandering around doing absolutely nothing, and still time passes, and I’m having..fun? I met Kilde today, and she found out I started smoking. I haven’t told her, especially not as it’s so long ago I last saw her, and I really miss her!

I can’t really find the center of my life right now, and even though it should be school, I just don’t feel like studying. I just feel like I need to do something different less demanding of me, just for some time, but I think I will miss the challenges I get where I am… Guess I just need to step it up. But well, I really need to find myself.

I have great trouble finding inspiration. I remember back in the old days when I just sat by the computer and started writing. Then suddenly I had something meaningful. I looked at the world with other eyes, and found a subject in everything. Now I’m just afraid of myself and my feelings, and curious about what I can even afford to write?

I really wanna get on with this. I miss my hiding-place and the way I could use this as an emotional pistop. I might still be able to, if I quit whining? xD

Anyway.

I had my last day of school today. I can’t really believe it. It’s so unrealistic. I can’t really find out if it’s because I ditched so much it just feel normal? Whatever. I will step it up – at least, I know my intelligens is the only reason they didn’t kick me out yet.. God, I feel pathetic. Still, I feel comfort in reading atm. I just finish twilight, and in 1 day I read first half of new moon. It’s awesome, and I don’t know how long I can get those books to last. I just want more!

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